By Marc S. Axelrod
In case you haven’t noticed, your little grandkids cry.
All the time, it seems. Certainly more than they should. Right?
Well, maybe not.
When they’re infants it could be because they’re hungry, or wet, or uncomfortable. They’re saying, “Hey, do something about this. I can’t.”
We get that.
Think about how frustrating it would be if you had no control over anything. They don’t really even know what’s going on around them since they are just a cute little bunch of nerve endings trying to find others to connect with. Yet they get their point across.
Don’t panic. Just figure it out and they’ll be fine.
Bottom line, we give infants a pass. No sense trying to reason with them.
Later, as they grow older and are seemingly miniature normally functioning people, their crying is often because they are disappointed that they didn’t get something they wanted.
How many times has that happened with your grandkids? Rough estimate: a million.
They want this, the answer is no, they cry. And they keep crying until you give in and let them have it.
Good strategy. But they don’t realize it will ultimately have its limitations.
Imagine this: You’re in a bakery and the person in front of you on line took the last marble rye bread that you wanted (shades of Seinfeld). Should you cry? Hey, maybe they would give it to you to make you stop.
Probably not.
A workable strategy for kids is not really an option for an adult. Somewhere along the line something has changed.
But how?
Recently, I forgot to order Minestrone Soup for my five-year old grandson in our takeout order. When we found it missing and I realized I forgot, he cried.
A lot.
I like Minestrone also, but I didn’t feel like crying.
You may be thinking, I don’t get everything I want either and I don’t cry.
But let’s look closer at what happened.
We didn’t get the soup. He cried. And then everyone told him it wasn’t so bad and he shouldn’t cry about it.
Aha! We teach them not to cry. That’s how we adults got here.
But is that really healthy? To suppress what you feel. What about all those self-help books that tell us to get more in touch with our feelings. Are they wrong?
Maybe we would feel better if we let it all out once in a while. Works for the kids. They cry, get rid of their frustration and go about the business of being a kid.
No harm, no foul.
Adults avoid crying very cleverly; they curse instead.
That seems to be how we let out our frustrations since we were taught not to cry. Just blast out a few choice words we wouldn’t let kids say and hope we feel better.
Helps a bit, I suppose, but not as efficient as a good cry. Ask any kid.
For men, crying can be considered a sign of weakness.
But hey, even our hero male athletes cry at their press conferences when they retire. They’re the toughest lot of them all. Strong, successful, rich (and still young compared to us). They got everything they ever wanted.
What have they got to cry about?
Loss.
They’re losing what helped define them. They’re sorry to go and lose our cheers and admiration, but I think sorrier to face what’s next. Now what do I do?
Basically, they’re scared.
Like the rest of us.
Like our grandchildren who might cry when we turn out the lights.
Until they learn there are really no monsters under the bed.