By Marc S. Axelrod

Recently in India a man’s parents sued him and his wife for not giving them a grandchild. 

How’s that for a serious family dispute. 

And it brings up a good point.  Are he and his wife obligated to satisfy his parents’ desire for a grandchild? 

Good question.  And not so simple. 

First of all, this is India, where children are legally bound to care for their parents in old age.  It’s on the books.  And if you fail to do so you could be fined and even go to jail for up to three months. 

Also on the books is one that will really make you smile.  By Federal Law, children must give their parents an allowance in their old age if the situation warrants it. 

How many of us would love to go up to our kids with our hands out asking for our allowance.  Talk about what goes around comes around. 

It’s also considered a moral debt to care for your parents as they age.  I can see that.  Don’t want to pass dad on the street where he is sitting with a cardboard sign asking for donations.  That would be embarrassing. 

But does all that lead us to people having children because their parents want grandchildren?

The parents in the law suit noted they were ashamed at not having what all their peers had.  To that I say, too bad. 

But their main point was that after all they did for their son, from raising him, educating him (including flight school to make him a pilot), buying cars and other things, he owed them. 

And they want repayment in the form of a cute little grandchild. 

Is that a valid debt?  Do our kids owe us for bringing them into the world and raising them? 

They didn’t ask to be born.  Certainly not into this crazy mixed up world. 

And what were we going to do once we had them, let them starve without any food, and freeze without clothes to wear (designer, of course)? 

No, that was an obligation we created for ourselves.  Part of the deal.  Have them, raise them. 

Just the same, those Indian parents felt justified in demanding a grandchild.   

But we’re in the US where things are different.  Not the inherent need or strong desire for older adults to want grandchildren.    

It’s just the more subtle ways we prod those poor young couples about it. 

Like good old Aunt Busybody coyly smiling and asking, “So… when are you gonna give your parents a little bundle of joy?”

Yeah, not so subtle. 

But some of us are.  Just the same, any even subtle push can be seen as an attempt to influence a decision that is not ours.  It is an attempt to satisfy our own desires, not necessarily theirs. 

What’s the best thing to do?  I really don’t know.  Holding your tongue until asked about it might be a start. 

Filing a lawsuit to get it done seems a little extreme. 

And probably a little divisive.  You think?

In the meantime, you can wonder if daughter or DIL looks a little puffy.  Could this be it?  Can’t wait to hold that newborn. 

No, she’s just eating too much.  False alarm. 

My wife and I love being grandparents to our two little people.  But it’s been an amazing amount of work, all-consuming and exhausting at times for us (and don’t even think about the money involved). 

As much as I absolutely love having them, I don’t think I would have sued her to make them. 

And two is plenty for me right now. 

In fact, I told my daughter and SIL that if they have another one, I’m heading to Mexico. 

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